Liz (stellae) wrote,

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I can't seem to be angry

It's funny. I can't stop thinking about the World Trade Center and its aftermath. I think about it and I'm shocked and sad, and while I don't expect myself to wake up any minute and find this all a bad dream, I think about it and it still makes me shock.

I will probably never get over the fact that I was there two days before it all happened.

I keep saying the same things over and over, as if cycling through them will somehow help get me past the shock. Make me have dealt with all of this and able to get on with my life. But the truth is, I am getting on with my life. I have a new reality now and I have to adjust to that reality. The events of Tuesday changed the world and in doing that, they changed everyone's lives. Mine included, and it is up to me to accept this new reality and go on living.

And so that is what I am doing.

I went back to the lab today and realized it had been a month since I'd been there. Which is very eerie. Even eerier was how much had changed and how little all at the same time. New people, yes and some slightly new experiments, but time in labs moves surprisingly slowly. A lot can be done without getting a lot done or without the momentum having shifted immensely, whichever. I found out that my postdoc got the same Molec/Cell Bio textbook that my course is using. How veyr very ironic.

It felt good to get out of the eerie quiet of the Village. I never thought I would say it, but I can't wait until the taxi drivers return to the street and there are horns and noise and people walking around at all hours of the night. Because the city, when it is this quiet, feels positively unreal.
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