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in a state of unrequited... like...

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Aug. 5th, 2001 | 05:42 pm
mood: gloomygloomy
music: Ella Fitzgerald - Accentuate the Positive

There is this boy. And he is sweet and charming and funny and smart and talented and he has the most wonderful eyes (and I've thought so ever since I met him). And I want to date him very badly, but I know that if I were to ask him out, he would say no.

It is weird, this liking someone. It has been so long since I have liked someone like this that I had genuinely forgotten what it was like to want someone. To want to hold him and hug him and kiss him and to hope against hope that your feelings aren't just one-sided. I had forgotten the warmth and the longing and the elation of those moments when he does notice you. I had remembered only the heartache. And heartache is not a pleasant memory.

So. There is this boy. And he is the type of person that I could truly see myself being with for... a very very long time, if not forever. Too bad he's not interested.

(Though in some ways I suppose it is just as well because it will keep me single, I think).

A friend said yesterday that he was all in turmoil because this girl he had thought was really attractive thought he was cute and for various reasons, he couldn't do anything about it. It's funny, the way I reacted (internally. Externally I was the supportive friend listening to his turmoil that I try to be to all of my friends). I thought to myself "I am attractive and I like people, and even the people who find me attractive, when I tell them, say they are 'flattered.' But never interested."

I am tired of flattering people. I can envision myself watching my friends get married one by one and myself remaining single my entire life. Which is a thoroughly depressing thought.


At least there's still Ella's lovely music to make me feel better.

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