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the void

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Feb. 19th, 2001 | 11:55 pm
mood: lonelylonely
music: Dirty Dancing - (I've Had) The Time Of My Life

For some reason I feel an emptiness in my life. It's like I have friends I have support I know I'm loved, school goes well, I have things that I do well, I have goals, I have dreams... I have a religion that makes me feel very happy and fulfilled. And yet there is this piece of me that feels empty.

I can't talk to Matt anymore without it hurting. Because I don't know where I stand and it's frustrating. I really shouldn't have gotten involved with him. And thre's a piece of me that would like him to say he still likes me so that I can tell him that it's not me that he likes it's a memory of me and what we once had. Because that's how I feel. I'm not interested in him in that respect... I've moved on (although I've moved on to a sort of nothingness that is quite depressing. I gave up on the other person I was somewhat interested in because it just isn't going to happen. Which I've known before I attempted anything -- I knew there was no way he'd ever be interested, but that is irrelevant) and so he needs to do the same. Because I want to be friends and just friends. And that is an impossibility in a present where feelings get in the way.

I really need new headphones. These are bothering me severely.

I got a few new CDs today... and those make me marginally happy. As much as acquisition of stuff ever does. But having things is not a way to find fulfillment. Nor is having a sore throat. Bah.

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Comments {2}


from: salaam_dementia
date: Feb. 19th, 2001 09:39 pm (UTC)

I know and understand what you are saying completly, but i'm hoping thats not whats going on with me and my ex... even though it sounds like it... I hope things get better for you and hope that, that emptiness... gets filled with happiness!!!


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Re: Hmmm...

from: stellae
date: Feb. 19th, 2001 10:36 pm (UTC)

I talked to Matt on AIM tonight... and I vented and told him that I couldn't get over him until he quit saying that he had feelings for me so he had to stop doing that and that he had to get over me too so that we could be friends. I don't know how much he took in of my venting, but it's out of my system now. And it feels very good.

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