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just where DO I belong?

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Dec. 27th, 2000 | 03:40 am

There's a funny thing that happens when I come home. I realize exactly how much I don't belong here. My family wants to see me... sort of, except that my dad's buried in work so everything turns into a fight which is, after a while, just exhausting.

Why am I writing. I'm tired. and busy. And I don't feel like dealing with this right now. So maybe I'll write when I have something to say, but right now, I really don't. The minidramas of my life have all played themselves out neatly to completion so there's not really much to reflect on.

My dad wants to sell my car. Because he thinks the tiny amount of money he'll get for it will solve some of his problems. Of course, it's a perfect city car and I'm comfortable with it and I like driving it... and it's only got 70,000 miles on it or so which means that I'd be better off just keeping it and when I move further out into NYC (or Boston when I'm in med school) and possibly have to drive (which is something that could easily happen) taking it with me. Of course, if he sells it now, he'll just need to buy me a new one later or something. But hopefully I'll be able to convince him that it's not a good idea... blaaaah.

My dad is so weird. He wants to be my parent and wants me out of his life all at the same time. It's kind of annoying because it makes it hard to settle any kind of stable father-daughter relationship. well any satisfactory kind at least. he is content to abuse me mentally and emotionally... and it's so frustrating. Especially since I'm coming home only to see my mother because I love her. But other than that, my life and what matters to me is in New York.

sigh. just sigh.

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