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Dec. 16th, 2004 | 03:50 am
mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
music: Title: Bring Me To Life * Artist: Evanescence

I once commented in an entry reflecting on journalling and myself as a writer about the fact that I tend to write more when little is happening in my life. I mused at the time that this was important because it was probably the more mundane times of my life that were likely to get lost in a sea of memories, drowning amongst the stories that make up the interesting periods.

However, while I do a lot of reflection, in the interesting periods of my life in the form of conversations with others, it seems as though I should spend some time reflecting here, viewing this as a conversation with a large group -- a group with whom I am likely, in individual conversations, to share the same story many times over. In addition, reflection here forces me to be alone with my thoughts, to confront them face to face, without the interjections and modifications of my friends. As useful as these interjections often are, perhaps it is wise to have internal conversations as well.

So why do I choose the individual conversation over the clearly more convenient blanket conversation of a journal? I think it is because there is something special about listening to a person's reactions as a story unfolds; it makes the telling more significant. Additionally, I find that more and more often even my moments of quiet reflection are spent in mental conversations with friends -- as if I carry a mental version of them with me with whom I can converse at any moment. So perhaps my recent departure from journalling is that writing journals as the dialogues that occur in my mind seems somehow unrealistic or a departure from my thoughts of what a journal should be.

I feel mentally disorganized right now. I want to write and I have many thoughts on many topics, but none of them lucid enough to demand writing. Perhaps tomorrow.

Also: Finals are over! I have survived my first semester of graduate school! And now, a month of lab work and dance costume making and preparing for next semester and its trials. I think the new semester will be a good thing... I have been rather undercommitted this semester and I do not believe this is good for me.

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