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Mar. 11th, 2004 | 02:37 am

I'm finding that negative energy makes for poor writing. I have so much that I want to say and yet so little I have to say. I want to be creative and write and think and hope and dream and somehow I just feel upset and lost.

Stanford rejected me. While I expected this and it is pretty awesome to have even been invited for an interview there, rejection does not feel good. But at least it was a rejection after an interview, which is more than most people get.

And I can always say that they have a bias against undergrads, because it felt in a way as if they would rather see people who've been out in the real world working and doing research for a while first. It's as good a reason as any, since the reason I was given was basically "we had a really good pool of applicants this year and in the end it came down to a numbers game." (In other words, you're just not brilliant enough for us). Or at least, my pessimistic frustrated self reads it that way, despite it probably being far from the truth.

I guess I really should look at it like more of a relationship than I am. One of the guys I met at the Stanford interview weekend likened recruitment weekends to first dates. You're both there hoping things will work out and then you just get a sort of gut feel at some point that they will or that they won't. If you're like me, you spend your energy trying to make things work out, and I guess it works the wrong way. I suppose I come across as too desperate and trying too hard, instead of just being myself and being naturally enthusiastic about a place and a school and whatnot.

Maybe I'll just blame it on the great snorebeast of a roommate that I had. I wasn't my best self in any of the weekend because I was jet-lagged, over-tired and cranky.

Or something.

Or maybe it really is only a numbers game and they really needed some way to bias their group... so...

I'll be happier at Berkeley. Stanford is a good match academically, but Berkeley is where I will be going and that should be good enough. My pride is wounded by the rest of this, but really, its no more than that.

Also, I really like my new layout. It's purdy. :-)

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from: countercurrent
date: Mar. 11th, 2004 12:58 pm (UTC)

Oh, please. Who wants to go to Stanford? Everyone knows that Stanford is full of idiots.

Congratulations on getting into Berkeley! Personally, I think it's an accomplishment to get into any school, but Berkeley's truly fantastic. And everyone I know there seems to be really happy, so you should be thrilled. Congratulations, throw a party!

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