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when the humidity grows oppressive and the clouds sink in.

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Sep. 15th, 2003 | 01:10 pm
mood: blahblah

Today is one of those days where I really don't feel like doing anything. I came to many realizations about many things last night, and it made me realize that there are things about myself and my life that I don't like but that I put up with because it's easier than fighting to have something amazing.

Not that I am particularly unhappy, mind you... I'm just not as happy as I would like to be.

And I'm trying to take classes, and some about which I had been highly optimistic two weeks ago are turning out to be essentially very dull. So I will perhaps escape into the land of brain candy literature.

I have been feeling, lately, very isolated, though I have many friends and every reason not to feel isolated. I go out often and socialize and laugh and chat and I know what is going on with many people, and they with me... and yet I feel alone. I'm not sure if this is the beginning of depression or just sort of grieving over the fact that after this year, my life will be incredibly different from how it is now. How will I meet people if I don't go on to graduate school. Where will I go to graduate school?

I am feeling wanderlust begin to flare up within me, yet I don't think I would be truly happy anywhere but here. I have fallen in love with New York City and all that it offers me, and yet I still don't feel complete. Sometimes it seems as though a new place would fill the void I am feeling, but truly, I don't believe that it would.

I guess right now I'm not sad, not happy... just empty. detached.

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