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The second before I jumped I knew where I needed to be

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Dec. 3rd, 2000 | 10:17 pm
mood: aggravatedaggravated
music: Songs For a New World -- She Cries

My dad treats me like I'm 7. He has been nagging me about homework and he has no need to do it. I can get my work done without him telling me when I'm supposed to be doing it and when I'm not and so on. Argh.

I don't feel like writing; I want to dance... I need to do some massive phyiscal exercise and then maybe I'll feel better. I'm having one of those times where I need to be up and moving around and instead I have to sit at my computer and write a stupid paper that I don't even want to write. It's an interesting topic, but I'm so stressed with everything that's happening with my mom that I just want to crawl into a hole and hide, and I can't concentrate and so on and so forth. I don't even care if all I get on this paper is a C. I mean, of course I care about that, but I won't do that poorly, I know that. I just want to be done with the paper... and at the same time, what I want to do is sleep... sleep and sleep and wake up and find that everything wrong in my life is just a bad dream.

I hate this. all of it. I am going to go and get halfway through my paper now and then take a break around 1 or so and goof off for a while and then finish my paper and email it and hope it gets to Artemis.

I'm tired of fighting with my father and being a burden to him. I'm tired of him being depressed and unable to cope and then transferring all of that to me, as if it's my fault. I'm going back to New York on Tuesday and I don't know that I'll ever come home again. If I do, I'm staying in a hotel because I can't deal with being under the same roof as my dad any longer. Period.

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