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Mad at the world

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May. 18th, 2001 | 11:03 pm
mood: annoyedannoyed

I'm mad at the world tonight.

I'm mad at my mom for her expectations... I should be doing this, I should be doing that... I feel like I should be helping her with this that and the other thing, and I know she'd pay me for it, which should be reason enough to help, but there's a piece of me that says "But it's my MOM." It's almost like I don't want to help her simply because she is related to me, which is a bit of a dumb reason, I suppose, but it's not exactly the reason. I guess it's just that I feel like I'm helping her out of a sense of obligation, and I'm tired of running my life according to what someone else wants. I go to school and I'm supposed to organize my life around what my teachers want. And then I come home and I'm supposed to organize my life according to what my mother wants. I couldn't see anyone here even if I *had* made plans because there are so many things I'm already SUPPOSED to be doing.

I want to go back to New York.

So I'm mad at my mother and that just feels lousy. I'm mad at myself for being selfish because there's no good reason I can't help my mom more -- I certainly *should* and I'm... not. So I'm selfish and I'm mad about it.

I'm mad at myself for pointless crushes. I have a terrible crush right now and I have a sense that it won't go anywhere, but I think that that is because I am impatient... I want something to happen and happen *now* and now is not time yet or something.

And my mother is mad at me and laid a phenomenal guilt trip and that makes me feel miserable. But, oh well.

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Comments {1}

Poor Liz!

from: anonymous
date: May. 18th, 2001 11:58 pm (UTC)
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I am sorry! I hope things get better, dearie!

[hug]

~D.S.~

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