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looking for something but I don't know what

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Jan. 13th, 2001 | 08:43 am
mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
music: Barenaked Ladies - Pinch Me

I am so out of the habit of livejournaling it is disgraceful. 25 entries since December 20th. We must improve upon that one.

I feel very listless. I want to do things and then I realized that that would actually entil going out and doing something and thus expending effort... I have to kick into gear somehow, I think. Of course perhaps the truth of the matter is that I'm just crashing now after tons of stress. But I'm healthy... so I want to sleep at 9 or 10 pm... but then I wake up at 1 and do stuff for a couple hours and then go back to sleep and then am wide awake at 7 am. Of course, then I'm tired at 9 pm again. It's so weird... it feels almost like I'm still on Italian time but not exactly, but I'm not on New York time, either.

Blaaah.

I don't understand boys sometimes. it's like I've talked to several of them and they all debate who they should pursue as their next girlfriend... like they always have options. And girls are so not that way (most of them at least). Either they enjoy being single and flirting with whoever, or else they want one person and pursue him and are committed to him. And even then they don't have the certainty of being able to think to themselves "now who should be my next boyfriend" as if any guy they were interested in would want to be with them. I imagine guys don't actually think this, but I've come accross enough of them who seem at least to have this general philosophy so as to establish a general thought pattern.

So I am left to wonder then what causes this. Is it a societal thing... the fact that girls aren't nearly as free to want to be single as guys are coupled with the fact that even if it is the 90s, many girls would still prefer to have the guy ask them out? And so many girls just want to be loved and to love someone that they will accept whoever asks them?

I wonder.

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