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A ranty semi-apology for wedding brain

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Jun. 16th, 2009 | 01:22 am
mood: tiredtired


I haven't written much, lately. This was pointed out to me recently and because I am as I am, left me thinking "Hm. That's true. I wonder why..."

A lot of this is because the state of my brain lately can best be described as weddingweddingweddingOH.THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE IN THIS CONVERSATION.I SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO THEMweddingweddingweddingwedding...

I'm not convinced that anyone really wants to read about that.

(Having said that, it's equally possible that people aren't interested in my ramblings of self-reflection

I'm very very grateful to the people who nod graciously and listen to me rant about such things as the cost of catering, how excited I am that I managed to find a site to order paper for my invitations for a moderately extortionary price instead of a price that says "well, gee, if I want to actually, you know, invite people to this thing, I'll have to live on ramen for the next six months," how much work it all is and how I keep telling myself it will get better but in reality it probably won't... The people I asked to keep me (relatively) sane during this process... you're doing a really good job and thank you so much for being patient with me. If I start to veer too much toward Bridezilla land, feel free to slap me.

I have a feeling my general state will be "trying to do too much" from now until October. Granted, that's a pretty general state for me, but it is now more true than ever. I have begun answering questions lately with "oh, I'm not thinking about that yet. That's on July's to-do list. I am not allowed to think about July's to-do list until I have accomplished everything on June's to-do list."

(No, I don't tend toward a Type A personality, why do you ask?)

All rants and temporary cases of sticker-shock and wedding-induced anxiety aside, I am enjoying the process. I feel good about every decision we've made and I'm beginning to have faith that one way or another, things will come together into a lovely event.

There's nothing like a wedding to make one think about all of the lives I've been a part of, and all of the people who have been a part of mine. It's pretty amazing, really, though it makes narrowing the guest list really a challenge. I'm not in the habit of ranking people in terms of their roles in my life -- my views on such things are more big-picture oriented than that -- and yet, planning a wedding and creating a guestlist tends to encourage that sort of thought. It's surprising me, at the end of the day, how much of the decision process isn't rational. It's almost entirely driven on emotions and instincts and... some days it makes my logic-driven brain very worried.

I'll spare you a full description of the neurotic cycle.

I'm pretty sure I'll get to the end of 2009 and wonder where the year went. It's flying by so far and only seems to be passing faster and faster each day.

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